All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.
I made a statement about Karma and my relationship... "Karma does not gently whisper in my ear, instead she bitch slaps me in the back of the head with a two by four. And even then I am to stubborn or dumb to listen." This is a very true statement and this one day proved that even bitch slapping me may not get my attention. It started on a bike about a few years ago, this wonderful day that Karma tried so hard to get me to stay in bed.
It started with me falling out of bed at about four a.m. some thing I have not done since I was four and then I only got a black eye. But I fall out of bed, bounce on the floor two times and hit my head on the night stand and instantly reacted with a yelling of "SON OF A BITCH!" and waking every one up with in five hotel rooms of me. Yep Karma was hitting my head with a two by four but I was not listening. After finally getting back to sleep I slept through the alarm clock and I woke late. I missed my morning work out and breakfast and was the last person to get loaded up and ready to roll. I am never the last person to be ready to roll and this should have been yet another warning that I should just roll over and go back to sleep but NO I was not listening to her whispering in my ear either.
We finally get going and hook up with some friends Filthy Phil and his wife in Ponchatoula, La. Where every one decided to go down to Johnny's Whites in New Orleans. Now don't get me wrong I have had some great times in New Orleans but it was hot and all I wanted to do was get some food and to some air conditioning. But being with a group on a bike about you stay with the group. Well, come to find out, they were filming a movie, and you could not get within five blocks of Johnny Whites. Here is Karma whispering again to me, but I was not listening at all. We ride on and we finally find some public parking where we could get all the bikes parked. We roll up to the attendant just to be pointed to a sign that says NO Motor homes or Motorcycles allowed in public parking. FUCK! Hot, hungry, and now slightly livid... We have to find another place to park! I go to back the submarine down a slight incline that was leading us to the no motorcycle public parking when all of a sudden I step my left foot in a pot hole.... Yep Karma was smacking me in the back of the head again. Before I knew what was happening, me and the Submarine went over. Next thing I know Lance ... is helping me get the Submarine back up. Slight damage to me and my side view mirror and back crash bars but I am okay. Now I am more then slightly livid, I am getting overly pissed off.
We roll on going in circles down in the French quarters and we find a bar with enough parking out front on the street to get all the bikes parked. We get all the bikes parked and are dismounting our rides when we are told by a meter maid that we are in a no parking area and if we do not leave she will have our bikes towed. I think this was where my temper hit it's breaking point. My words, not to her, was FUCK NEW ORLEANS. Fuck this town and fuck these people get me the fuck out of here. Yes I know some times my sailor comes out and this was one of those times. We all climb back on our bikes and ride around trying to find any place to get a drink where we can watch all of our bikes. The traffic would not let us out so, after sitting there through all 4 light cycle Trophy Wife does a bold move and tries to blocks traffic so we can get out. Some ass wipe tries to run her over for doing so and the slight bike chase was on. As Wooly calls it a game of guess which biker has the gun. I am glad they did not catch the car and stopped at the light . Who knows what could have happened if they caught ass wipe from New York... Yes I did see the tags and that is how I knew that. About the same time Dew was climbing on Woolys bike and he was at a slight bank and over the bike with the two of them went. All of this should have been yet another whisper or a slap in the back of the head but once again I was not listen to any warning Karma was trying to tell me.
After what seemed like forever we find a little hole in the wall bar. Still no parking but Map man sweet talks the meter maid there and she said sure go have a drink or two and she would guarantee your bikes will not get towed.
Before I even got off my bike there was a drink waiting for me. I think to reduce my hot head temper tantrum I was having at the last stop. As a friend said she had seen me mad but never THAT MAD. We have our drinks and visit for a few, snap some shots of the locals and decide to head the hell out of New Orleans and go get some food. We are heading out and all of a sudden a slight rain Storm starts rolling in. We get inside a gas station, fuel up and wait the entire five minutes for the rain to pass and head to my favorite place, Well one of my favorite places for food. Next stop Spars, where we eat drink swap stories and laughs and generally have a great time.
Finally parting ways with Philly Phil and his lovely wife we all head way down the bayous to a place I feel and call home. We are rolling along just thinking about nothing but getting home when IT happened. We was rolling along, not in a normal order when a light changed. I knew I was not going to stop in time and what happened next was all in slow motion and also made me think of my greatest fear on a bike. Not that I would crash one day but that I would take another bike with me when I did. I locked up all my brakes as hard as I could, I felt the Submarine try to wipe out from under me but I held tight. I looked to my right and knew if I went that way I would crash and take Lance down with me. I looked to my left and did not like the thought of hitting the on coming car head on. Just not good odds there so I think to go up in between the two bikes in front of me. So with the wheels and brakes smoking the bike wanting to lay down I aim me and her right between the two bikes in front of me....
Well I almost made it. I hit hard not sure of what I hit and thinking I hit Windy and his wife I came to a very abrupt stop.... I remember that I hit Windy and pinned his hand to his fairing. I remember his wife looking over at me with a WTF look on her face. Next thing I know Lance is asking if I was okay. I remember telling him I crashed into his dad to make sure he was okay. I barely remember getting all the bikes off the road into a parking lot and re grouping my thoughts. I remember Trophy wife telling me that I controlled my bike like a pro that she does not know how I keep from going down. Time passed and after I calmed down we all got back on our bikes and finished the ride down the bayou to home. When we got there every one pulled into a parking spot in front of New Genes house boat. I pulled into a spot on the other side of the street. Still in shock about crashing into a bike not wanting to hurt no one else that day. We finally all went to our homes for this trip. I still think I was shaking when I got there but I was home, every one was safe no major damage done except to my own bike.
The next day when I woke I went to see what damaged I had done. My crash bars was bent 2 inches back where I had hit not Windys bike on my right but instead I hit Wooly bike on my left. My front crash bars hit his back crash bars. I was teased about riding in the front for a while and some times I still get teased about being a motorcycle sandwich.... But I know things could have been really ugly and that the biker gods was indeed watching over me. But next time I fall out of bed, whether I am on a ride with a bunch of people or not, I am rolling over and going back to sleep. Karma does not have to hit me in the head with a two by four again... hopefully.
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